Finishing his coffee, the detective saw his opportunity. He grabbed the waitress’s arm and said, “Come with me. We don’t have much time.”
“What is this about?” she asked as he ushered her hastily through the kitchen, ignoring the questioning eyes of the other staff.
“We don’t have much time,” the detective repeated, dragging her out the back door. “Get in.”
One glance at the black SUV waiting behind the café and she knew why he was here. “Fine,” the waitress said sharply as she slid into the empty backseat.
The detective climbed in next to her and looked straight ahead as the chauffeur sped away.
“Can we at least stop by my apartment? I have some things I need to grab,” pressed the waitress. The man in the driver’s seat looked up at the rearview mirror, but his sunglasses made it impossible to tell where.
“No,” the detective replied immediately. The driver looked back at the road ahead. “All your belongings are waiting for you.”
“And I’m guessing you can’t tell me where that is,” sighed the waitress, watching the city blocks pass by, blurs of light and color. I was really starting to like this place, she thought.
“We’ll be there soon. Everything you’ll need is in here,” said the detective, handing her a silver briefcase.
The car turned suddenly, approaching a dimly lit building in the distance. Here we go again, she told herself, taking a deep breath.
A tall man opened her door. “Good evening, Agent Hunter.”
Stakeholders:Uncensored 
I really enjoyed your use of dialogue. It made the writing intriguing and suspenseful. Interesting plot!
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I did not expect the waitress to be an agent. The beginning of your story reminded me of Law & Order, but the ending had a twist!
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I liked the twist! You did a great job making the waitress seem innocent and confused. You drop in the “I was really starting to like this place” line and I thought she was in trouble/on the run, but it goes in a different way than I thought it would.
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Ok. I’m ready for chapter 2.
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The dialogue you used was very unique. It made the story rather easy to follow and once again I liked how you put a twist to the story!
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As other people said, I really liked the use of dialog as well. You were able the develop a story without giving and much background but it was still easy to follow.
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